weekend from hell...long

Don't you just hate when life throws you a curve ball - well that's just what happened this weekend!

Friday evening we drove #1 and #3Sons up to friends in Uxbridge, and from there they were going on to watch comedian Simon Amstell gig in Camden - this was a birthday present to #3Son (16 on Wednesday) from their pals. There was a group of them going, including a parent of their friends, a lovely lady I've known for years.

Himself.com and I stopped off at a supermarket for some bits (which took some time as I was armed with my calculator but no reading specs), and then pootled back to Brighton.

We stopped off on the way back to pick up a McDonalds for #2Son, and Himself.com, and I was pleased that I wasn't even tempted as I was looking forward to the ham salad sandwich I'd planned for myself. The rest of the evening was spent watching tv - for some reason I thought there was a double episode of 'Ashes to Ashes on' and although was a bit miffed there wasn't, enjoyed the episode that was on, and am looking forward to the finale next week..

I guess we went to bed about 11 ish - for some reason we were both cold, even though it wasn't if you know what I mean.
I was woken at about 2am by himself.coms mobile going off, and can remember thinking 'FFS, can they really not leave him alone til office hours' (he's got a lot going on at work atm, and it seems only he has the answers!). Then my blood ran cold as I could hear him saying, 'O.K son, stay calm, you're where? I'm on my way!!'

By this time I was wide awake and half dressed! I still had no idea what was going on, as Himself.com had nipped into the bathroom, saying he'd 'tell me on on the way, but not to worry!!!' Too bloody late mate!
The phone rang again, and I answered it, it was a nurse who explained she was 'from the A&E Dept, at Hillingdon Hospital, and was looking for verbal permission to administer pain relief to #3Son and he is under 16' WTF???

It transpires that they had been to the Simon Amstell gig, had a fab evening - they'd had front row seats and were 'targeted' by the comedian, which of course will have added to their evening.
They took the Tube back to Uxbridge and a few of their group wanted to go and get something to eat. My boys said they didn't feel comfortable as there seemed to be tension in the air in the town centre, so it was decided the parent would go with those who wanted to get something to eat, and the boys would make their way home with one of the friends - something they have done many times before - its is the 'nice' side of the town.
Unfortunately, by some freakery, they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and were passing a pub just as a rowdy group were being thrown out - who decided to take out their frustrations on the lads.

My boys and their friend, did manage to get away (thankfully all together, and in the same direction), but not before they'd been given a bit of a beating.

We arrived at the hospital at around 3.30am, to find our boys shocked, bruised and bit bloody, but in good spirits considering their ordeal! #1Son has a broken nose, and #3 a large lump on his head, and possible concussion....but of course things might have been so much worse!

The friends Mum of course was blaming herself, but I doubt very much if things would have been different had she been there - in fact it might have been worse had they all been together...like a 4' 10" mums presence would have made any difference to a bunch of drunken louts!

We drove everyone back to the friends house accompanied by the sound of dawn breaking, so our boys could pick up their stuff, and say their goodbyes to the rest of the group who were waiting anxiously for their return.

#3Son asked if it was OK if he stayed on til the next day as originally planned- they had a shopping trip scheduled for the next day, to get their shirts for the England game they are going to. Difficult though it was for us as parents, we agreed to let him stay, as we'd only be making ourselves feel better by having him home, and would be punishing him for something he wasn't responsible for, so we arranged to pick him up later that evening..

We made our way home with #1Son (who was going to get the train home that morning in time for work in any case) and finally fell into bed at about 10am, having first fed watered and exercised the dogs. Got up at about 1.30, and phoned #1Sons employers to let them know he wouldn't be coming in and why.

In the scheme of things, tracking was the least of my worries, but in some strange way I found comfort in it, and although I was under by 13 points by Saturday evening I still resisted a McDonalds, when we stopped to pick one up for #3Son when we collected him later that evening! Hmmm....makes it sound like all my lads do is eat junk - I do cook for them, honest!

Although I wasn't really in the mood to go to the working test on Sunday, I was supporting a friend who had arranged it, so got up at six, leaving Himself.com to catch up on some much needed Zzzz's.
My girl worked well for me, and just missed out on the awards, but that never bothers me, its just good to see the dogs go through their paces. Out part of the competition had finished by lunchtime, so the afternoon was spent chatting and laughing with friends, which never fails to lifts the spirits.
I had pointed my packed lunch, and had prepared a Lasagne for the lads, all Himself.com needed to do was cook it through. I had a low fat version when I came home, with a nice mixed salad on the side.

My water consumption has been well down, and other than an major adrenalin rush on Friday/Sat; a bit of yomping up hill and down dale, and belly laughs aplenty (gotta be activity points in laughing surely!!) on Sunday, things haven't quite fitted my 'Masterplan' for this week!!

Roll on bedtime - I am knackered before I start!

If things dont change, they stay the same.....

...and stay the same they did!

I know a STS isn't too bad, but in the scheme of things - when you have as much to lose as I do, a 1lb on last week, and a STS this week, is going to hurt, psychologically if nothing else!
So.... things have got to change!

I need to look again at what I am doing, and how I am doing it....so as a start: instead of just having a ham sandwich (ww malted danish bread), for lunch I had the ham sandwich, but packed it with zero point salad and beetroot too. I'd forgotten how delicious a salad sandwich can be, and it made all the difference to how 'satisfied' I felt.
Last night, I made a roasted BNS soup (skins left on, for added fibre), with home made chicken stock, and I had a mug of that on the side. I was especially pleased with myself, because I usually make it in the morning when I come back from getting everyone where they need to be. Which is all very well if I'm not running late or distracted, but if I am - and I have the attention span of a gnat these days (sadly not where eating food is concerned!), it can be way past lunchtime before the soup is ready. Unless I have some soup in the freezer, I can easily fall prey to 'the munchies' - telling myself 'I'll just have this to keep me going....'
Although I do try and point the 'keep me going' stuff, I think its much better to prepare something, then sit down and eat it, rather than eat on the hoof.

I was due to make a Thai Curry last night, but realised there were only three of us eating (himself.com away at a conference, and #1Son off recording), which meant there would be far too much, and its a temptation to have a larger portion.....if you know what I mean!
It does kinda beg the question, if I recognise the traps, why do I continue to fall into them? I'm quite proud of myself for avoiding that one though - cos it would have been quite easy to believe I could have been trusted to have a 'normal' portion!

Making it to the meeting today (thanks to the generosity of the ww leader) was great. Had I not gone, and next week showed a gain on the scales, I'd probably have thrown the towel in, and if I had lost weight, would convince myself that I could get away with weighing in every other week - does that make sense? At least I know what I am dealing with - and when I do have a good loss next week, it will because I have made a concerted effort to do so!

Looking forward to that Thai Curry with brown rice tonight now :o)

the 'all clear' siren has sounded...

Its OK...its safe to come out now!

The stabbiness* subsided yesterday, as a large wave of calm washed over me, which must say quite took me by (pleasant) surprise, and I am back to being 'me'. I hate this hormonal sh*t, when will it end? I can remember my mother suffering as she went through the change - I wish I knew then, what I know now, but of course at the time, I was a seething mass of teenage hormones...no wonder we clashed so much!

* perhaps I ought to have made this clear at the start, but it bears clarification (just so you don't feel you have to grab your loved ones, run indoors lock the windows, and hide when you see my blog 'walking' down the cyber highway) I don't ever feel the need to actually stab anyone - its just the way I refer to that hideous hormone surge that makes this usually sane, calm, good humoured and rational woman, want to scream! Your knives, and loved ones, are safe with me!

Right, that's that bit out of the way :)
I think I have been very good this week, I have pointed and tracked - BUT, I think the area that will let me down is that I haven't actually done much exercise this week, as we have been down to one car, which meant I spent most of my days driving (living in the middle of nowhere has its downsides!) family where they need to be, and of course they all need to be different places at different times! My water consumption has been non existent too, although I've prob drunk as much in herbal teas....

One of the big stresses for me this week, was how on earth I was going to get #2Son to college for his exam this morning. Himself.com is away on business today and tomorrow, leaving me car less.
Its a good three quarter of an hours (we usually allow an hour) trek cross country to the nearest village and the bus stop, and the bus he would need to have taken to get him there on time would leave the village at 7am....schlepping across paddocks at dawn in goodness knows what weather, isn't really conducive to arriving in the right fame of mind for a maths exam! I was on the cusp of ordering a taxi to get him to college (about 30 quid!), but my friend offered to pick him up and take him - which was really lovely of her, because it really is way out of her way, and he can of course bus it home :) It also meant I could send him off having had a 'proper' breakfast, to set him up for the morning.

I would also have to miss my WW meeting & WI (also miles away cross country, and up hill to boot), which although upset about, was kind of resigned to. Personally, I would prefer to know if I have stuffed up again this week, rather than leave until next week to find out and fix...does that make sense? But I knew there was nothing I could do about it, and resolved to produce a great loss next week.
I was telling my friend on FaceBook who is also a clerk at the meetings, that I'd text the ww leader to give my apologies and was both I was surprised/delighted when she (ww leader) text me back, offering to pick me up as she would be passing this way on the main road. Great!

I feel so blessed to know such nice people.

As I am 'trapped' at home today, I have plans for myself. I shall walk the dogs in shifts around the paddocks - as opposed to the usual pack walk in our woodland, and when I have done the essential housework bits, will finally get the time to have a session on the new wii fit dance game I bought at the beginning of the month and haven't yet had time to try.

I also need to get out with one of my dogs this afternoon and do a bit of training with her, as we are entered in a working test on Sunday - we haven't done anything in the way of working competition for a couple of years, so that should be a laugh if nothing else!
The good thing about working tests, is that you have to bring your own packed lunch, so easy to control what goes in the mouth!
The only temptation there might be is if a friend passes around her usual array of cakes she's made.TEMPTRESS! Delicious though I know they are, I also find it quite easy to decline cake...now if she had cheese on on offer it would be a different story!

Right, I better get one - lots to do :)

have a good day all xx

Move along now...theres nothing to see......

Apologies in advance. I am feeling even more hormonal now....and particularly stabby - which I know probably isn't the kinda thing you want to be reading on a weight loss blog, but I guess its all part of the bigger picture, as the stabby bits are when I am at my most vulnerable food wise!

The weekend wasn't as bad as I had envisaged, the road trip was straight forward and stress free, thanks to the M6 toll road, which was paid for by my travelling companions as their contribution to the trip. I confess I couldn't resist a couple of skinny latte's on the way up (well a girl has to stay awake somehow!).
I 'd planned and prepared my food for show day and had taken a couple of bananas - one for my 'breakfast' and one in case I started flagging in the afternoon. Midday was to be tuna light lunch (3pts), which i had never had before, but had seen other people eating at shows, so thought must be OK. It looked so pretty on the packaging, but in reality looked far less appetizing .... in fact even the dogs gave me a 'WTF?' look. Thankfully, it tasted much better than it looked, which saved me from tossing it on the nearest bin, and heading to the 'barn kitchen' restaurant for a high fat replacement, which would doubtless have put me way over on points!
I also took a tub of my latest delicious low point treat favourite- Sainsbury's sweet potato and harissa dip (2 pts for the whole tub), and cassava chilli snacks- just right for dipping. I didn't eat it all myself, as I offered it round, and it went down very well.

I'd left Himself.com the makings of a chilli con carne for dinner, but had thought ahead for myself there too, leaving myself a ww chilli/wedges, to throw in the microwave on my return.

It was a nice day out among friends, and the dogs did very well in their classes - the bitch gaining a 1st, and the dog a respectable 3rd in good company...so I cant grumble at that.

Sunday I had to travel to Southampton with my young bitch to have her hips x-rayed (one of the health tests I commit to, as a responsible breeder), and was delighted to see they look good - so waiting for the 'score' to come back from the BVA, wont be so trepidatious! More confessions!!!I hang my head in shame at having a McDonalds Hamburger on the way home...I don't even like McDonalds, but for some reason I really enjoyed that! I am a Wrongmo for sure!
I did point it btw (6pts), but felt so guilty, I deprived myself of the lamb roast I was doing for the family, and had a ww steak and mushroom pie instead (a whole new level of 'weird' that was too!), which was 6.5pts, with some zero pt veg, and portion of jersey royals.
Thinking about it, I was probably no better off by having the pie, but it eased my guilt....

There's a lot of stressful 'stuff' going on atm, and I am wrestling with my demons - so far I'm on an even keel, but it really isn't easy.









-

I have hormones and I'm not afraid to use them!!

I keep telling myself that a 1lb gain, isnt the end of the world - then why does it feel like it is?

STS was the best I could have hoped for this week, I knew that.
I knew too it was my own fault...no one force fed me that pasty etc at the weekend. I am my own worst enemy, and I just cant seem to stop sabotaging myself.
I made a conscious decision after WI yesterday, that I wasnt going to point for the rest of the day - athough I was pretty sensible about what I ate, BUT now I am cross with myself because I didnt track, and am in danger of thinking 'oh b*ll*cks to it', I'll start again tomorrow!
Equally, I know its a slippery slope my demons want to pull me down, so I really need to be strong, and get right back to tracking today, and start throwing water down my neck too, as I find that really does help me with the hunger pangs.

It doesnt help that I'm all hormonal - just feel so tired, seem permanently hungry and I need a bloody good cry. Sometimes it sucks being a woman.

I'm glad I stayed for the meeting yesterday, the theme this week was 'motivation'.
Never was a meeting theme more well timed - thank you WW! I really needed to hear 'remind yourself why you are doing this' - and you know, only a month down the road, I realise I had already lost sight of MY reason for taking this journey.

I must plan for tomorrow - up at an unearthly hour to travel up country to a show. I've already blogged about difficult those days are, so you'll know how important it is for me to 'be prepared'.

x

Crumbs!

Whoever said that if you 'break a biscuit in half, all the calories fall out', lied.

That is all.

Baptism of Fire (well, flood actually!)

Hmmm. I seem to have taken my eye off the ball this week - especially where water consumption is concerned....and to make matters worse, for a couple of days 'pointing' was non existent, although more a case of not eating them all than eating too many - which is probably just as bad!
Today, I seem to be in permanent hunger mode - maybe I was a locust in a former life?
I deliberately had a 'proper' breakfast (2 rasher grilled bacon, grilled tomato and toast made with ww bread) so that I had a decent start to the day, and although I did have it quite early, by 9.40, I was dipping in my low points snack drawer for nibbles!

Tomorrow is WI day, and I have to say I am resigned to my fate this week....apart from being bloody cross with myself, there isn't much I can do (other than track like a demon from now on) that is going to make a whole lot of difference to tomorrows outcome!

Its not like I was out all over the weekend drinking (despite the photo on my facebook page - which was staged for comic effect, honest!) and stuffing my face - in fact if I had, I would probably be crosser!
Saturday was when the 'trouble' started.... we were off in the caravan to a two day game/country fair where we do demos and educate interested folk about the dogs and how they work etc. I was given the caravan by a (lovely) friend when she upgraded hers at the beginning of the year, and although 'old', it is in fantastic condition (wish I could say the same for me!).
As the show ground is relatively local to us, we thought we'd set off at around midday, drop the caravan off at our pitch, and then go and help set up the marquis...well that was the plan!
The 'conversion coupler' which I had bought on the Friday, in order to allow very new car to pull very old caravan, was the wrong one, and a 30 mile round trip to exchange (car packed to the gunnel's with dogs and kit) it followed. Now you would have thought having got the right part, we would have been on our way - but no.
The lights on the 'van wouldn't work, and after half an hour or so of muttering, and stomping it occurred to Himself.com that he might have forgotten to 'flick the switch' on 'vans control panel. I had no idea there was even a switch to be flicked, but I smile benignly, and even managed to refrain from excessive eye rolling when that was indeed found to be the cause....finally, we were on our way.....or were we?

We had gone about 15 miles, and Himself.com (trying to sound casual) mentioned he may have forgotten to take off the caravan hand break.....he pulled over and sure enough he had!

Did I mention we are new to this caravanning lark......?

Four hours later than planned, we arrived on site in a deluge of wind and rain, and headed straight in to the showground, caravan 'n all.
The rest of the group were soaked wet through, having battled the elements to put up the tentage, ....I don't think we were very popular getting there just as they finished!
As there was nothing left to do, we went to pitch up at the camping area, just in time for it to stop raining. we had a cuppa, ran the dogs, who had been sitting patiently in the car for hours, and then decided (as we had nothing else to do) to try and attach the awning!
I say 'try', because my friend had advised she had never used the awning - she had bought the 'van second hand herself -, and had no idea what condition it would be in, or if all the 'bits' were there.
A couple of hours later, and with the help of the smashing couple pitched up next to us, we finally managed to work it out and up it went in all its spacious glory!
It was about 8pm by the time we realised neither of us had eaten since breakfast, and so I put a couple of lasagne's (not ww) in the oven, I ran the dogs again while they were cooking, we ate our meal, and fell into bed exhausted.

Day one of the show was a complete washout, wet and windy, and boy was that wind bitterly cold! I felt sorry for the stall holders, as the only money they can have made, would have been from other stall holders or from exhibitors like us. Despite having had a bacon butty for my breakfast (with ww bread), and wearing 6 layers of clothing under my coat, I was so cold and miserable by lunchtime, I succumbed to a large pasty, and a small slice of bread pudding.......
The main arena had all sorts of demos going on all day, but many were cancelled - the birds of prey wont fly in the weather that presented itself, and many of the vintage cars, couldn't even get onto the show ground due to the conditions underfoot. But us dog folk are made of sterner stuff and carry on regardless.....even if there is no one watching!
I tell a lie. Himself.com counted a total of 6 people around the huge arena, although when pressed, admitted he'd included himself in that number...
Usually we do a gun dog parade after the demos, show casing all the different breeds, and then people come over and ask any questions to the owners of those breeds that interest them. To that end we do the parade at around 3.15pm, to allow plenty of time before close of show at 5.30pm. If I tell you we were back in the 'van by 4 o/c having given up the ghost, you will have some idea of just how dead it was!

Thankfully the 'van has a great heating system and even though it was lovely and toasty, we were chilled to the bone. 'Dinner' (neither of us had the energy to cook) consisted of two huge sausage rolls (himself.com), and two small quiche type things, which were allegedly stilton and broccoli (me), and were so shallow, the filling was debatable! Having taken the dogs out so they could let off steam, we settled them down for the night, before tidying up and once again, falling into bed exhausted.

Day two was better weather wise, although it was a lot windier than the previous day, and the many rain and hail showers were blown away fairly quickly, allowing the sun to peep through between the many downpours.
Thankfully people braved the weather and came out in their droves, many of them making a day of it and enjoying all the things the show had to offer.

We decided to buy our lads a McDonalds on the way home as a treat (and cos neither of us could face cooking) and a thank you for looking after the dogs that stayed home.
I am pleased to report that I had a ww meal when I got in - although I will admit to having a slurp of Himself.com's milkshake!

If you've made it this far - thanks.
I don't know what to make of my eating this weekend, I thought I had planned well, but it went out the window!

I've got a show this weekend too - which reminds me I have dogs to groom/trim/bath, and I do have a plan for that - let just hope I stick to it!!