Got it taped...

WI today wasn't what I'd hoped for...only 0.5lb off this week - I was secretly hoping for a bit more, but beggars cant be choosers I guess! I couldn't wear my 'usual' trousers today because they were falling off me, so I wore a pair of lightweight jeans, the waist of which was dangerously close to sliding down over my hips - not a good look! I had to wear a belt to keep them up, which is quite heavy, so its a good job i took that off before I got weighed, or you could be faced with much weeping a gnashing
My body shape is changing, I feel it, I (sort of)see it, so I think I need to stop stop judging my progress on the weekly WI alone, because I know from past experience, that judging myself on weight alone is a huge stumbling block.

So. The positive thing to come out of this is, I bought myself a tape measure and intend to use it...oh and a pedometer, but as N02Son remarked dryly, 'Yeah that's great Mum, but you know you actually have to get moving for it to do anything...?' He wasnt being unkind, just stating a fact.
I am thinking of asking him to become my personal trainer actually, as he is always yomping off round the paddocks, and comes back have worked up sweat! I seem to have a mental block about going out walking atm - which is ironic given I work the dogs on the beating line during the shooting season!

I did treat myself to 'Just Dance' for the Wii, and am a bit miffed I haven't had the time to try it out yet, 'cos people rave about it on the WW message boards, and I'm itching to try it out, as I used to really love dancing.

I need to gather my thoughts, regroup those of my brain cells not subject to a mental block (pitifully few atm!) and move forward.... this weight thing isn't going to beat me, this time I WILL win.

Mirror Mirror on the wall.....

....OK lets not go there.....yet!

I was shocked this morning it has to be said, as I am not known for my love of mirrors. I avoid them like the plague since piling on the weight, as I have such a poor body image- something I suspect many people in my position can relate to. The only mirror I ever look is the tiny one I use for doing when I am plucking my eyebrows!
This morning I put on a lemon lightweight jumper, and some jeans - now the jeans I have to confess, I've always been able to pull up without undoing the button, so I wasn't surprised at doing that this morning, but I was pleasantly surprised that they felt so comfortable once on, rather than 'over snug'. It was the jumper that took me most by surprise though, it actually felt quite baggy, compared to the last time I had tried it on (and decided not to wear it cos it drew attention to my stomach), and it was this that prompted me to look in the 'big' mirror this morning.
This morning is the first time I have looked in a mirror and not been repulsed by what I saw - in fact I was quite impressed! I realise its all relative, but to me it was a huge confidence boost, and then to cap it off, quite unprompted, Himself.com (he of few words) paid me a compliment, the detail of which I shall spare you, but suffice to say it reinforced my feeling of worth this morning, and several hours on, I am still basking in the glow of my NSVs :o)

I am finally feeling back on form after that nasty little cold that managed to pole-axe me last week, and although still bunged of nose, no longer find myself trying to breath through my ears!

I have no idea what WI will bring on Thursday, but I am not going to stress about it. Exercise was definitely off the agenda, and I found myself craving sweet things, sweet things...oh and sweet things! Although I mostly succumbed to Panda(ora's Box) licorice, I confess to having demolished a whole pack of Pink and Whites in one sitting..although I did share the wafer bit with the dogs!
I did try and point everything though, and despite going over by 2.5 pts one day, was within points for the rest of my 'below par' induced sugar frenzy.
Drinking water wasn't top of my list over the weekend, but I'm throwing that down my neck again now and hoping for the best!

Even if I don't lose this week, I shall content myself with knowing that my shape is changing for the better, and will push on in any case.
I wish I had the courage to take measurements, but I seem to have a mental block where that is concerned. My WW Leader suggested string, and Himself.com suggested he do the measuring and keep note for me once a month, only giving me the results if I wanted them - the latter appeals to me most, but for some reason I keep finding excuses why I don't have time to be measured at the moment. There is going to be a point in time where Himself.com is seen chasing me round the garden with a tape measure, Benny Hill styleee, because he knows that I am going to regret NOT having done the measurement thing before long.
Any words of wisdom people?

I hope everyone is doing OK, and want you to know how important your blogs are to me. I read them regularly, and find them a great source of inspiration - and even comfort sometimes, when I am having a wibble!
I hope one day my own ramblings can help someone else on their journey.....

Seven(th) Heaven

I've not been feeling myself for the past couple of days, which I had put down to hormones, but yesterday I started feeling as though I was coming down with something. This morning I felt the cold from hell had descended on me (possibly the equivalent of 'man 'flu' ), and I feel like death warmed up. All of a sudden I started getting my wibble on about WI - what if weighing, pointing and guzzling of water wasn't enough? What if I had somehow managed to retain everything I had eaten or drunk over the past week - even the fact I am now on first name terms with every toilet attendant in the South East couldn't convince me that 'something' was shifting!
I felt so low I just wanted to go back to bed and indulge myself in a bit of a grizzle, but my commitment to driving various family members to work/college put paid to that! I drove straight to the WW meeting after the college run, so I didn't have the chance to chicken out, and even though I was early, went straight in (once in I couldn't leave without getting weighed could I!).
My Leader listened to my various excuses, grinned and said cheerily, "Well, we better get you on the scales quick then, - put you out of your misery". The next thing I heard was "OH MY GOD", and my heart sank, I had the wrong specs on so couldn't see the monitor...she quickly added " That's a GOOD 'Oh My God' - you've lost 2.5lbs!"
So - I am the very proud owner of a shiny silver seven, and am on my way to the second :)

Even though I still have that rotten cold, I felt soooo much better on hearing that news! I came home and celebrated with a mug of detox tea and a small packet of iced gems - this girl knows how to live, oh yes!
In the same reckless vein, I thought I'd spoil myself by buying a 'taste the difference' sandwich in Sainsburys, (lunch is usually 'on the hoof' on Thursdays during term time), but having worked out the points, it seems I had no more than if I had planned lunch at home!

I am going to do a nice plate of cous cous with roasted veg for dinner tonight, and gave himself.com the choice of what I am having, or what the boys are having (sausage and mash and beans), and he plumped for what I'm having! The boys are happy to have what I am having for the most part, - they really enjoyed the smoked haddock and poached egg, new pots and green beans last night, but given they are very slim (wouldn't you know that gene would skip a generation!) I like to give them a bit of non healthy fodder once in a while!

Now where's that bottle of water.......

Feeling a bit deflated...but in a good way!

I woke up this morning, feeling a lot less bloated than I have the past couple of days, and my energy levels are on the rise again (don't get excited, they were never very high to begin with) - so I'm feeling a bit more hopeful about WI on Thursday.
Someone had polished off my weetabix..... not that I mind sharing, but I just wish they would let me know so I can get some more in.
Eating Bran Flakes and Banana, just wasn't the same - have Bran Flakes always tasted that sweet I wonder? It isn't that they were unpleasant, its just that I wasn't expecting it, and it seemed like overkill, coupled with the sweetness of the banana (gawd I am sounding like John Torode!).

I've done the college run (small price to pay for living in the middle of nowhere), got the washing on and have just swept and washed the floors, so am having a quick five minutes with a mug of coffee - my third this morning! That's unusual for me, as I try and keep it to two - never mind, I don't think the sky is going to fall in for the sake of an extra mug....its not like I take milk or sugar in it!
This sunny weather really lifts the spirits though doesn't it! I am sitting in the conservatory, with my laptop, dogs flaked out all around me, basking in the warmth of the sunlight. I've got extra dogs for a few days, so every beam of sunlight is being taken advantage of - thankfully my pack are very accepting of interlopers, and are happy to share the prime spots.

My friend is in my thoughts today, as she is burying her son who died suddenly a couple of weeks ago. He was a very fit young Copper - serving the the Met'....he was barely 41.
He went out for a run, came back, complained of feeling unwell, and collapsed and died in front of his 9 yr old daughter, how awful is that.
Its hard for a parent to comprehend the notion of losing a child, of any age, my heart goes out to her and the rest of the family.

If nothing else, it makes me realise that making the most of every day is important, because we only get one shot at it - and you never know when your time is up.

To that end I shall be hitting the Wii fit later (steering clear of sneaky peeking!), as I cant justify the expense of gym membership until the end of the month, which is a bit of a bind, but I cant spend what I don't have! I did manage to order some joggers from cotton traders though in readiness - less than half price too (9.99 with a code), so I am well chuffed.

Right, I suppose I should get on with the rest of my chores - the quicker I get them done, the sooner I get to have some fun on the Wii!!

Meh.

Feel like crap.
I've blown up like a balloon, and feel so washed out and tired....and craving all manner of stuff I wouldnt usually entertain, and am doing my best to resist. I wish my body would make up its mind whether its headed for the menopause or not!

Hopefully I will be back to normal for WI on Thursday, but in recent months the bloating is really quite dramatic, even if it does only last a couple of days - I'm not sure if I am doing myself any favours in knocking back all this water at the moment! Mind you, I've not got the spots this time round - so I cant complain (every cloud eh!)! I never had spots, even as a teenager, but this past year, it seems all the pent up wrath of the blocked pore gods is visited upon me!

Anyway....I have managed to avoid chocolate this time round (can usually take or leave the stuff), and have instead turned my attentions to the delight that is Panda Licorice....I could eat that stuff all day.


Himself.com is away for a few days. He was meant to fly to Amsterdam tomorrow, but due to some inconsiderate volcano action, he has had to drive, which meant him going today and coming back a day later than planned so I have to try and keep myself busy.....
I have saved 6 points already this week, so if boredom overcomes me I can indulge in further Licorice lust!

I cooked the boys a nice Chilli con carne for dinner, followed by a rocky road dessert thing, which went down well. I had ww sausage, veg mash and cider gravy, with a portion of cauliflower cheese (leftover from yesterday), with ww 'rich choc dessert' for pud.....what a waste of time that pud was - I feel quite cheated! Lunch was a Pitta filled with some Feta cheese a portion of black olives and zero pt salad.

Options hot choc and bed for me soon I think.

Yeahbutnobutyeahbut.....

NO!!

This morning saw me getting up at a sparrows fart (that'd be 4.30am in old money) and driving 3hrs in order to help run a show. It wasn't something I could get out of, as I am on the committee, although I do admit to wishing for the plague to descend - not a major plague you understand, but just enough to keep me home. It was not to be.

The problem wasn't the thought of a show itself, but the temptation that lay within. Apart from being entitled to a no holds barred, slap up lunch, (where you just KNOW that even if you were to actually find a lettuce leaf, it would be swimming in cream) there would be vendors aplenty, selling chips, and bacon butties, toasties, and ....well you get the picture.

This time I was prepared.
I anticipated the obstacles, and planned how I was going to overcome them.
Part of the ritual of arriving at a show is to unload the gear, sort the dogs and then go in search of a greasy bacon roll and a strong coffee. Today I didn't have the dogs with me, but that wouldn't detract from the ritual, it would merely mean missing out a stage and getting in the queue earlier!
My alternative: Make and take my own (pointed) BLT sandwich, using ww malted danish so that I'd could have that bacon 'hit' with my coffee.
My next obstacle would be that lunch! I knew I needed to make something I really enjoy, so that I wouldn't feel deprived, and could turn down the 'official' stodge with quiet confidence.....
My alternative: Mini naan bread (warmed, split and then cooled) spread with mango chutney, filled with zero point salad, chicken tikka pieces, and then topped with a drizzle of natural yogurt - my idea of heaven.
A couple of small bananas and iced gems (from multi pack) were on standby for nibbles, and in case the return journey was a nightmare - gotta love that M25!

Although not particularly active physically, I did end up stewarding because we were short staffed, so the grey matter got a bit of a work out!

Unfortunately I didn't get to drink my 2ltrs today, which I have to say was a conscious decision because of the way it is affecting my bladder whilst my body adjusts to the increase. Its really not a good look to excuse yourself from the ring every five minutes!


In the past I may have made the plan, but would never have got round to executing it. I'd have had all good intentions, and then thought 'oh sod it, I'll stop at the services on the way to the show, and/or I'll get something at the show' My intention of course, would be to find a healthy option...but by then it'd be far too late and the temptation would have been to great!

Dinner when I got home was a big plate of beans on toast - instead of the takeaway I would have had in the past.

Oh! I almost forgot, Himself.com had made some shortbread (yum) while I was out cos he said he needed a 'carb rush', and there was 'still some in the tin if I wanted to try some'.
I didnt.

I really am very proud of myself today :0)

Seeing a shrink...

I am delighted (and more than a bit relieved) to report, that despite my sneaky peek wibble of yesterday, I managed to exhibit shrinkage to the tune of 2lb!

Having a sneaky peek is not something I will be indulging in again, as I'm unlikely to forget the effect it had on my psyche.
Quite apart from feeling physically sick (at the thought of seemingly having gained 4lb overnight), my motivation to do half an hour of exercise on the Wii plummeted through the floor, and I had to force myself to complete them - yet the day before when I was feeling smug (cos it said I had lost 2lb), I bounced through it like a spring lamb - probably best not to hang on to that image too long, especially given the wayward nature of my appendages!

I then spent the rest of the day fretting about something I hadn't a hope in hell of changing anyway.
I even hatched a plan, in my tormented mind, whereby I would intercept the WW Leader Karen en route to the hall, rip the plugs and batteries from weighing scales....she would never know it was me 'wot dunnit', because I'd be sporting a balaclava!
Oh yes, I had it all worked out!

Even my quality of sleep was affected, as I was up and down all night. Maybe the amount of water I am drinking atm contributed to that, but I swear it was induced more by 'Wii', than 'wee' ...

This morning I looked forward to WI, with a sense of impending doom. It didn't matter that I knew I had weighed and pointed, increased my water intake and upped the exercise, in my head I was still going to be up those 4lb!

I could have wept with joy when I saw another 2lb had gone, not least because it saw me break into the next stone, - a huge psychological boost for me.

Lesson well and truly learned, I am concentrating on my next mini goal, losing that first half stone!

Wii Wii Wii...all the way home....

Gotta love that Wii plus - its a good way to get back into exercise and kick start the metabolism for someone who is terribly self conscious....like me!
I can't pinpoint the time in my life, which rendered my balance and coordination 'zero', but somehow it happened! That's OK - I still give those exercises a go.....and if you can get APs for laughter, I'll be quids in.
I have to be a bit careful about exercise what I do, as I have had two ops on my spine over the years, and now have arthritis in my ankles and knees, as well as other major joints, - I'm not making excuses for myself, just know I must be realistic about what I can and cant do!
I do get very angry and frustrated that I have come to this, and I know I have to stop beating myself up about it if I am to be successful this time!
Hopefully this time, I can turn the anger and frustration into a positive energy, rather than the negative, self destruct one its been previously.

I am currently doing 30 mins x2 per week on the Wii+, but I am not counting any of that time for activity points at the moment, because I don't feel I am doing some of the activities correctly yet....even though I am knackered by the end of a session.

My favourites so far, are the 'bike ride', the obstacle course, and the jogging plus? one (I did the short jog twice in yesterdays session) - although swinging my arms in big circles as per instruction, proved a bit difficult whilst also trying to deter my bosom frontage from taking off in a different direction!

I'm still trying to get the Wii+ to devise a personal training plan for me, and spent ages yesterday trying to input what I wanted, according to the instructions, but I just couldn't seem to get it to the end stage! I must have been doing something wrong so I'll have another look today, and see if I can sort it myself, if not I'll get one of my 'in house' techies on the case.
Oh, and an added bonus is that I managed to polish off 2ltrs of water yesterday!

I am making a plan, and the Wii+ is only part of it.....the warm up if you like.
Yesterday I chatted at length with the manager of the Gym I used to attend, about different membership options, and today I shall be ringing her back to arrange an induction.
They do have a pay as you go option, but that works out to be quite expensive in the long term, and I'd be paying separately for a swim which would hike the price up even more.
I think the unlimited option is probably best for me - that way I can go to the gym as often as I like, and can also book any of the classes and swim at no further cost.

Himself.com and I were chatting the other day about 'getting older', and I explained to him why losing weight/getting back in shape was something I really needed to make a success of this time round. I don't think it would be fair of me to share his side of the conversation, but suffice to say, he too wants to tone up, and I was both amazed and delighted when he said he would join with me...not least, cos it'll be cheaper still!
That doesn't mean we'll be joined at the hip - he'll go and do his thing, and I'll do mine but we can support and encourage each other.

I loved it when I went before - used to go three of four times a week and got the most amazing buzz from it. What I liked about it too, was that it wasn't just full of 'the beautiful people', there were young and old, all shapes and sizes and the whole atmosphere was relaxed and encouraging. I'm getting butterflies of excitement just thinking about it.

In other news: I've just realised its WI day for me tomorrow (a.m) - my second, and I hope it'll show a loss as I have weighed and pointed everything before it's been allowed to pass my lips.
I need to have lost over a pound in order to crack into the next stone down - that will give me a huge psychological boost. I may have to have another go on the Wii+ this morning, which will also ensure I get some extra fluid into me.

I know a lot of people say you should take body measurements - I haven't done this yet and wonder if its too late to start to get full benefit? My clothes definitely feel more comfortable already especially my jeans, and I seem to be tightening my belt by another notch - so I hope its not just wishful thinking on my part...we shall see.

edited to add:
I decided to weigh myself on the Wii yesterday and today! Yesterday I had (apparently had a loss of 2lbs) and today, I have put 2lbs ON! Really worried about tomorrows WI now....that'll teach me!

Breakfast Epiphanies (with apologies to Audrey Hepburn)

OK, so just looking for the one epiphany, but the the plural scans better!

I am having breakfast issues: the issue being that I keep forgetting to have it - that's not good is it? Don't get me wrong, I mean to have it, because I know its an important meal when trying to lose weight, but life quite often takes over. If I am not ravenously hungry when I get up, it can go out of my mind until the hunger pangs take over about midday-ish.
It doesn't help of course, that I am easily distracted and can start a job, only hours later (usually in the middle of something else) realising I haven't finished it!

Ironically, I remembered I hadn't had breakfast as I was typing this, and dutifully went off and grilled two rashers of bacon, tomato, and two slices of ww malted danish toast - yay me.

I never forget to have my coffee in the mornings, black coffee, two mugs on the trot, which is my only caffeine of the day, unless I treat myself to a Costa Skinny Latte, which I don't count toward my caffeine intake. Its best not to get me started on how I reason that out!
I drink (preferably organic) 'herbal' teas for the most part, the current favourite being Pukka's Aniseed, Fennel and Cardamon, although I also enjoy Nettle, Chamomile, or Mint depending on my mood. I just cant get on with fruit teas, they seem wrong' somehow....
I try to drink the requisite 2ltrs of water a day, but I usually fail, despite liking to drink water!

But I digress (no change there then...)
Is it OK not to have breakfast do you think - as long as points for the day are used or would it be better to try and train myself to remember to eat it? Epiphanies on a postcard please....

Its probably a good thing I did my breakfast this morning, as I now have to go shopping again....at least I wont be tempted to buy stuff I don't need*. I promised to introduce my sons to the delight that is the soft tortilla spread with houmous and filled with roasted vegetables, and the BNS I thought I had in the fridge, isn't!! That'll teach me for being a domestic (kitchen) goddess at the weekend, although a domestic goddess with good memory would help!


* yes, I did type that with my fingers crossed!

Is this it?

I've never blogged before, so this is a whole new experience for me, please be patient!
Where to start? I suppose I need to get this bit over with and see where it takes me....

18 yrs ago I gave birth to my first born, and went on to have two more babies (one of them an 11lb-er) in quick succession.
I wouldnt be without them for the world, and I love them to bits, so I am not complaining, but I have a couple of observations: a) whoever said that breastfeeding helps get the figure back, lied through their teeth, b) judging by its shape, my body seems to think it is still pregnant!

Like many other women, I have dieted at various points throughout my life, but have always fallen 'off the wagon' (something as simple as the wind changing can be the catalyst for me, it seems!). The nearest I came to losing my pre pregnancy weight, was when i started going to the gym, and started smoking again! However, the latter soon put paid to the former, when I found myself unable to breathe (not a good look)!
I know, I know, you dont have to tell me.......!
I am sure you will be delighted to learn, I soon stopped smoking, and not so surprised to learn that I piled the weight back on - and then some. We moved out of the area, shortly after that little 'health kick' and other things seemd to take priority.

But that was ten years go now, and no, I have no intentions of taking up smoking again - if I have to die fat, at least I wont smell of stale nicotine!

I did lose a couple of stone, when I joined weight watchers a year or so ago, then I took a job which involved nightshifts. A combination of being dreadfully unhappy with the job, coupled with a knackered body clock, put paid to any hopes I had to maintaining the loss, and on it all went again - and then some!

So, here I am - again!
Sitting in a chair, feeling like I'm dying from the inside out, isnt a feeling I relish. I'm 50 next year, the menopause is fast approaching, and my promise to myself is that I will have lost 3st by the time I hit the big 'Five-O'. Thats half the amount I need to lose, I think it is do-able, and while I am not going to stress about it, I am determined!
My first WI saw me losing 4lb, which isnt bad considering, I had the easter weekend, my 49th birthday, two nights away to contend with!

I am hoping blogging will help me keep on track, and maybe highlight any areas of 'wibbliness' along the way.

as a great adventurer once said 'I'm going outside...I may be some time'